The Wrong Reasons to Get Married

You've got the best girlfriend or boyfriend and everyone says so. You've been dating for six months, or a year, or six years, and everyone you know is starting to drop little hints about marriage. You can see it in their eyes, too. You're almost certain you are in love and you really like the relationship you're in. But how do you know if you're ready to get married? Here are some reasons NOT to get married.

1. You like the relationship the way it is.
When you get married, even if you have been living together for a long time, the relationship always changes. This is because marriage introduces a whole different level of commitment and permanence that wasn't there before. Marriage is, hopefully, forever. And once you enter into it, the relationship you have known until now is bound to change. If you like things the way they are and you aren't waiting for the next level, it is probably best to leave things the way they are.

2. Everyone expects you to pop the question.
When you've been with someone for any length of time, especially if you have a really good relationship, people are going to assume you are headed for marriage. That's the next level, right? Not all relationships are designed to end in marriage, though. If the only reason you want to get married is because someone else expects you to, that's not enough to sustain a marriage.

3. You're afraid of losing your partner if you don't propose.
Sometimes the person pushing you toward the next level is your significant other. They feel ready, and they want you to feel ready, too. You can't make yourself feel ready for something, no matter how much you want to please your partner. The best thing you can do in this instance is be honest with them and with yourself. You may need more time, you may need reassurance, or you may not ever be ready. If you go through with a marriage you are not ready for, you will still end up losing your partner, and it will be full of resentment and broken promises.

4. You want sex for the rest of your life...
...but you don't feel the same way about your partner. Sometimes the sexual side of a relationship and the attraction you feel can be so strong that it clouds the very real relationship problems that might also exist. Just because you feel strongly for someone doesn't mean you have what it takes to make a marriage work. You may work toward a deeper relationship, but if it doesn't exist yet, don't lock yourself into a marriage that both of you may end up regretting once the passion wanes.

5. Pregnancy
When you have a child with someone, you will be tied to them for the rest of your lives. That doesn't mean marriage is a given, however. If you are both dedicated to being on-the-scene parents for your child, that child will have two parents. You don't have to marry to give your child the complete family he or she will need. In fact, marrying someone you don't love just because there is a child involved will bring a great deal of pain and confusion to that child for a long time to come.

There are many good reasons to marry. If you are uncertain about what those reasons are, or if you find yourself falling into one of the categories above, take some time and be honest with yourself and your partner. Evaluate where you want the relationship to go and why. Take steps to get there. But don't rush to the altar if you're not ready. It is a step you will both grow to regret.


Alex Lemone is a bridal and wedding writer. For more wedding tips and to check out some wedding ideas, visit Wedding Ideas Etc.